Lightheart Warrior of Brightclan

Name: Lightheart
Age:16
Gender: Tom
Rank: Warrior
Clan: Bright Clan  


Appearance: Is lean but a bit muscular, and has a white underbelly and a black over pelt, with white paws. Everything else is black, but the underbelly and the paws.Has blue eyes.

Personality: Lightheart is a kind and loyal tom. He will do anything for his Clan. He is known to be courageous and intelligent, though he can sometimes be stubborn. For example, he would die for his clan if he had to.  But he has his weaknesses. Such as being too prideful, as for example, he thought he could defeat the deputy and he failed. He can also be impatient at times as well.He can also be very impulsive in battle, as for instance when he was an apprentice, he would always attack without thinking. Now, though he is level-headed, though not by much. 

Skills: (out of 10)
Fighting -5/10
Hunting - 6/10
Climbing - 4/10
Running - 6/10
Swimming - 2/10
Strength - 7/10
Memory skills - 4/10

Family:
Mother - Ginger fly
Father -Firestorm 
Littermates/siblings - None

History: Lightheart was born in leaf-fall to Gingerfly and Firestorm, two loving warriors of Bright Clan. He was an only child and became extremely devastated when his parents died from a brutal attack from rogues. He lives in a constant state of depression with no brother or sister to comfort him. After this, he strived to become a warrior and trained as hard as he could until finally becoming a warrior. Though he was still affected by his parent's death and never really recovered

Alright, I'll just make this on the new audition. 

So, the biggest problem I see is the personality. Looking over your old post, I see that you have been told twice to post in full sentences. Listing the personality is not an option on this site, and if you do not follow this, you will get a warning. You need both the good and bad characteristics of your character. Please ask if you are still confused, we will be able to link you to some example auditions that might help.

And the next thing I see is skills, almost all of them are 7 and up. Can you please lower one or two? Hunting and fighting shouldn't both be so high. We like more realistic characters, not "perfect" ones on this site. Be aware that we hardly ever let skill level 10 on this site, so you might want to lower that too.

Do you think that you could add a little more to the history? It looks like you just copied exactly what Daisy said on your last topic, and I don't think that's okay. Put your own spin on it, it is your character anyways.

Other than that, I think everything is looking alright. PLEASE ask if you have any questions.

Ok thanks and yes I have a question . What do you mean full sentences? I don't see how that fits

you characteristics you have as "Loyal and kind and courageous and intelligent,stubborn " When we say to use sentences, try to write it like this instead:

"Lightheart is a kind and loyal tom. He will do anything for his Clan. He is known to be courageous and intelligent, though he can sometimes be stubborn. For example, he would...."

Here are a couple example auditions that might help, take a look at their personality sections:
https://warriorclan.forumotion.com/t7095-brooksnow
https://warriorclan.forumotion.com/t6787-bravewatcher-of-fireclan

Oh ok

The personality still needs more too it as well. Stubborn, while it can be a negative trait, you still need more to it. You can't have 5 positives and one negative. Try taking a look at this list of traits, if you need help with ideas.
https://allhailinfo.tumblr.com/post/79993198142/dunst-rph-i-find-that-when-writing-bios-its

We just want to avoid "perfect" characters. Please ask me if you have any questions.

He doesn't really have any negative thoughts

On this site, we like realistic characters, not perfect cats. I have said it before. Realistic means having both good and bad characteristics, just like someone in real life might. No one is perfect and good all the time, a well developed character should have faults to them.

Someone cannot be rainbows and sunshine all the time. Please understand that every character needs a more negative side. Don't think of it as really "bad" but more as a part of them that "could be better" or "could be worked on".

Again, here is a different link for you to try. Please take a look and edit your character to fit the audition requirements. Please follow what the mods and admins say on this site, and follow the rules. This is your first warning, more can result in a ban from the site. It is okay to ask a question if you do not understand, but by now I have explained enough times, you should be able to understand why I'm asking you to edit your character.

Ok so please tell me anything else I have to fix or am I good?

I feel the personality is too OP, can you fix that?

Adding a dark side does not fix the personality, it just makes him... well evil at points, so he's now got 2 personalities which conflict, it doesn't make sense and please just yeah, fix that.

You have been warned about double posting and next time just edit your previous post, it is spamming.

History should be longer, and specify which rogue attack. Unless they died in Onyx's attack just now, there hasn't been any rogues attacking recently.

You've said he is depressed in the history, but that's not mentioned at all in the personality.

The appearance is confusing, can you please rewrite it to make it look clearer?

Ok I fixed it

Cats wouldn't give the order to kill in the first place, so that wouldn't be a thing.

You haven't fixed anything else I asked. Can you actually check before saying you have, next time, all you did was delete a sentence.

Sorry but I'm really distracted. Thanks for being so patient! If You don't like I'll probably just make a rogue cat that comes into a clan instead,so I can start over. But that's  only if you don't like it

It's fine if you are distracted, busy with something else. And it's not that we don't like your cat. The problem is that you keep saying you've fixed your audition when you obviously haven't. We do have rules on this site, and you are not following them. Just wait until you have a free time to fix it, don't make us repeat ourselves over and over. Please, just fix your audition before telling us you have. You are getting close to your second warning.

Ok sorry

I'm not gonna say I fixed, cause I don't think I did, but I think I might be close to finishing it so...

Light I will not repeat this again. You cannot double post on auditions, regardless of what you want to tell anyone. If you continue to ignore this, you will have a 24 hour ban from the site.

Lightheart and I have been discussing this over the chatbox and I've been helping them out to get this fixed up. I'm going to go ahead and accept this and move it to the accepted auditions area and if anyone has objections they can post here.